My feeble attempts started about a year ago but never lasted. This time i pray that it will last... blogging that is. Realise that this is the best way to release the pend up frustrations that i have and say the things that i have always wanted to say in someone's face but due to politcal correctness failed to do so. This blog is all about my imperfections, how gutless i can be sometimes when it comes to decision making. How many times i tried to be strong and act tough but the true and sad fact is how often i have fallen short. To live up to the expectations of many but disappoint many in the end. I will start voicing all my thoughts in this blog and hopefully one day i will learn to voice them out in the open, but definitely not @ Hong Lim speakers corner. I pray that down the road the imperfections will get lesser and the victories aplenty.Well lets start by decribing the current status of my insignificant life:
I am in my 20s, currently attached my first relationship in many years. My girlfriend is a quite a babe and i am proud to call her mine. But that also adds to my insecurities many times. Adding to that is the fact that she is a Uni Grad and i am only a Diploma Grad now. I don't think MM will be very please with this as he believes that Couples should be both highly ed (At least a degree) so that the children will be super babies with high intelligence just like him. No offence, i have all the respect in the world for him for what he have done for our country but degree /= smart, dipolma + degree can = super babies too. I am considering furthering my studies but i realise that i have to settle the bread and butter issues before i can go on to furthering my studies. (Think Maslow Hierachy of needs)
Recently i have just placed my order to buy a car. My job does not require me to get a car although i will have to travel around, but its not entirely necessary as my kind of sales is not the hardcore run around sales if you know what i mean. The cost of maintaing a car cost about as much as probably paying for a semi-d house in Malaysia. The fact is if i was single i would not have thought of buying a car so soon, but i was pressured into buying the car because of my Hot Babe Girlfriend (HBG for short) who was sick and tired of taking the public transport, squeezing in the bus or train with the common people (in her own words) as her previous boyfriend drives her around... argggh!!! Woe to you ex boyfirend!!!
My HBG is a really a very cool gal, she purrs like a kitten and knows my right buttons to press, but... only when she is not pissed off or having PMS. Many times she is very sweet but what can i say... woman are just classified under unclassifiable. There is not one word in the dictionary that can descibe them. For man the name in itself explains what a man is but woman? I just can't put my finger on what they are all about.
2005 is pretty much a very significant year in my insignificant life. I have changed 3 jobs in the space of half a year, With my salary rising, rising and falling each time. I am considering changing again because this current job is pissing me off. I actually quit my previous job, a higher paying job for this job because of the challenge of reviving this particular operations but alas after 3 weeks of me joining they decided to shut down the operations due to a "business" decision and left me with the choice of leaving or redeployment. The notice period is ridiculous as i was only informed the day before they did a press release. On top of that, how would that have looked on my resume? I can see in my mind's eye how my previous employers are laughing their heads off if they knew what happened and my potential employers who will question:"They shut down the operations after you joined them? You must be really a "star" performer, next please." Of course i chose redeployment until i find greener pastures that is. Meanwhile i am told to familiarise with my new job scope until after New years. A good time to plan for the new year anyway.
2005 also saw me quiting my many ministry in church. I was a sunday school teacher, a worship leader, a back up singer and an active cell member. Now, i am a bench warmer. Have i backslided? Maybe. Have i denied my faith? Definitely not! It is such a turn off when everyone starts questioning you why have you stop serving, joining cell or appearing in church events and activities when they don't give two hoots about what have i been doing as a person apart form church? It also shows how deep the friendship is in church as when you stop the activities the people are simply out of your life. Everyone seem to have another life outside of church and come sunday we conveniently slip back into our church identity with our church friends. I use to be on that side of the fence until now when i crossed over to the other side, i finally knew how people must have felt when they are marginalise and come and have gone over the many years i have been in church. I want to be active and i want to participate, but i wonder if this is the right palce for me to do so. I have given my youth to church. I have served in church for over ten years now. Ten years is significant for me, that's a majority of my adult life. I have not regreted giving but now that i need a break and someone to carry me for a while i have found none. I have been a job hopper this 2005 and i really don't want to be church hopper.
